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REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent 12 Calories
Without her consent 2,187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands 8 Calories
With one hand 12 Calories
With your teeth 485 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection 6 Calories
Without an erection 3,315 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary 12 Calories
69 lying down 78 Calories
69 standing up 812 Calories
Wheelbarrow 216 Calories
Doggy Style 326 Calories
Italian chandelier 2,912 Calories

ORGASMS:
Real 112 Calories
Fake 1,315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging 18 Calories
Getting up immediately 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately 816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years 36 Calories
30-39 years 80 Calories
40-49 years 124 Calories
50-59 years 1,972 Calories
60-69 years 7,916 Calories
70 and over Results are still pending

DRESSING AFTERWARD:
Calmly.. 32 Calories
In a hurry 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door 5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door 13,521 Calories

Results may vary!

THERE’S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD
Right now, as you read this,
69 Million males are having SEX!
And you’re on the computer!!!

Inbox

Doctor Certified

Certified that Mr. /Miss _________________ , working in your organization, is suffering from ‘time-bound’ illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as ” Come over weekend..”, ” Let’s work on holiday..”, ” Leave cannot be granted. .” etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/-

Dr. Impatient

Cyber Clinic

Father passing by his teenage daughter’s bedroom
was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat
& tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up on the centre of
the pillow. It was addressed “Dad”.
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret & sorrow that I’m writing you, but I’m
leaving home.I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to
avoid a scene with Mom & you. I’ve been finding real passion with
Randy & he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you’ll like him too. Even with all his piercing, tattoos, & motorcycle clothes.
But it’s not only the passion Dad, I’m pregnant &
Randy said that he wants me to have the kid & that we’ll be very happy
together. Even though Randy is much older than me
(anyway,40 isnt so old these days is it?),& has nomoney,
really these things shouldn’t stand in the way of our relationship,
don’t you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
& has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It’s true he has
other girlfrnds as well but I know he’ll be faithful to me in his own
way. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and he’ll
be growing it for us and we’ll trade it with our friends for all
the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS
so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know
how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so
you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie

At the bottom of the page were the letters ‘PTO’
Hands trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’shouse.I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk centre drawer.
Please sign it and call when it is safe for me
to come home. I love you !!

Top Rajnikant Facts Published
rajni
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.
* Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.
* Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice.
* When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
* Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
* Rajnikant’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
* Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
* Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.
* Rajnikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.
* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Padayappa on Satellite TV
* There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
* Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
* When Rajnikant has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
* Rajnikant doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
* Rajnikant can divide by zero.
* Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.
* For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Rajnikant, each testicle is larger than the other one.
* When taking the GRE, write “Rajnikant” for every answer. You will score over 1600.
* Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
* In the beginning there was nothing…then Rajnikant kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
* Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
* Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikant”
* Rajnikant ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
* If you Google search “Rajnikant getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
* Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
* Rajnikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
* It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai.
* Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
* James Cameron wanted Rajnikant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
* Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:
FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:
ARAB DEATH

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

.
.

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Do you know?…..

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’ & ‘d’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to

99 (Letter ‘d’ comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters ‘a’, ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999

(Letter ‘a’ comes for the first time in Thousand)

Letters ‘b’ & ‘c’ do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to

999,999,999 (Letter ‘b’ comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter ‘c’ does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire English

Counting

Angrezi

Optician Advertisement… very creative and naughty!

FriendshipLoveBoth

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