A bit long, but it had me in stitches!! Worth the read
——————————

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice
aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you,
bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard
hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real
beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey…

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8
Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the
Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is
ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don’t fuck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer
of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000
Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only
a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of shit.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning
shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles
of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr.
Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war
ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was
cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard
now.

bloodninja: Baby?

——————-

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I
can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you
are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part
of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They fucking charge
your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus
about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough
skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like
some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you
see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now
a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

————–

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard
hat.

BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me
again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna
report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck
up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

——

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O’
Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I’m spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a
fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

—————

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate:OK, but don’t tell anybody 😉

DirtyKate:Who are you?

Bloodninja: I’ve got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John’s
in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of
your car..

Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa
John’s and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I’d like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just
dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, “Hello, this is Papa
John’s, how may I help you”, then they tell you the specials,
and then you would make your order. So that’s an X-Large. What
toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm…Yes

DirtyKate:So you’re bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause
I’m home alone… and I think I’ll take a shower…

Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook,
and then I’ll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate:I’m almost finished with my shower… Hurry up!

Bloodninja:You can’t hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja:I’m on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate:So you’re at my front door now.

Bloodninja:How did you know?

Bloodninja:I knock but you can’t hear me cause you’re in the
shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza
down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I’m as hot as a
pizza oven

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I’m all wet
and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja:So you’re still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I’m wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and
unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey
cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage
are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing.
I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit
through the front door….

DirtyKate:What the fuck?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of shit

DirtyKate:Fuck

——————

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING
vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my
spinach… Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of
grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn’t really turn me on… I was thinking
more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shitt is HOT.

MommyMelissa: …

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My
insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky
cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I’m outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all
over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can’t see.
Bitch.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

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