Wouldn’t it be apt to use one of these “Out of Office” email replies?

I am currently away from my desk, beating my head against the wall. Your
message will be replied to once I have reached a level of numbness
sufficient to cloud my vision to the point I am able to formulate an
appropriate response to your request.

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get
the position. Be prepared for my mood.

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me
until I return. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.

Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged Rs.10-00 for the
first ten words and Rs.2-00 for each additional word in your message.

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable
to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
(The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many
individuals did this over and over).

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

I’ve run away to join a different circus.