Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 min.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual Harassment

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage

Q: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: Why are men like public toilets?
A: Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

Q: What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can’t stand criticism.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? A: The blonde, because she’s 18.

Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where the breasts went.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

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