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 1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?

Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating ,isensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-
Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Something About Wives”
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
-Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
-Milton Berle
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There was water in the carburetor.”
I asked her , “Where’s the car?”
She replied,”In the lake.”
-Henny Youngman
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henny Youngman
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
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Question: “What would you like to have Sir ..
Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo , or Coffee?”

Answer: “tea please”

Question : ” Ceylontea , Herbal, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ? ”

Answer : ” Ceylontea ”

Question : “How would you like it ? black or white ?”

Answer: “white”

Question: “Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? ”

Answer: “With milk

Question: “Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk”

Answer: “With cow milk please.

Question: ” Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?”

Answer: ” Um , I’ll take it black. ”

Question: ” Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?”

Answer: “With sugar

Question: ” Beet sugar or cane sugar ?”

Answer: “Cane sugar ”

Question:” White , brown or yellow sugar ?”

Answer: “Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.”

Question: “Mineral water or still water ? ”

Answer: “Mineral water”

Question: “Flavored or non- flavored ? ”

Answer: “I’ll rather die of thirst. Thank You. “

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I wan! t to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.  HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

3) Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Pupil : “A teacher”.

4) Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colors do you have?”

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.

Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sa! m : “She’s a woman”.

7) Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

9) Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

10) Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records sho! w that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

11) Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

12) Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.  Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

Nice article on toothbrush and toothpaste… The author has tried to go back into the history to find out the first usage of any kind of oral hygiene.. 

Read it here

A clip showing a young Japanese child singing.. Too cute.. Worth watching..

See how will you play table tennis in matrix style..

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