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1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I
have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will
talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver
on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually
fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help
you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me
earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you
where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just
ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything
about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

Superb.. 56 slides..

 1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends…
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?

Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating ,isensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-
Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Question: “What would you like to have Sir ..
Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo , or Coffee?”

Answer: “tea please”

Question : ” Ceylontea , Herbal, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ? ”

Answer : ” Ceylontea ”

Question : “How would you like it ? black or white ?”

Answer: “white”

Question: “Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? ”

Answer: “With milk

Question: “Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk”

Answer: “With cow milk please.

Question: ” Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?”

Answer: ” Um , I’ll take it black. ”

Question: ” Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?”

Answer: “With sugar

Question: ” Beet sugar or cane sugar ?”

Answer: “Cane sugar ”

Question:” White , brown or yellow sugar ?”

Answer: “Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.”

Question: “Mineral water or still water ? ”

Answer: “Mineral water”

Question: “Flavored or non- flavored ? ”

Answer: “I’ll rather die of thirst. Thank You. “

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I wan! t to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.  HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

3) Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Pupil : “A teacher”.

4) Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colors do you have?”

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.

Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sa! m : “She’s a woman”.

7) Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

9) Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

10) Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records sho! w that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

11) Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

12) Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.  Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

A clip showing a young Japanese child singing.. Too cute.. Worth watching..

See how will you play table tennis in matrix style..

Funny…

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