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Really liked this a lot… Quite a bit of it is true as well…

YOUR DNA.

This is so cool! When you link on, a series of about 12 pictures will come up —

Click on a photo in that category.

Just continue clicking on the pics that appeal to you after reading the category. At the end it will give you a profile of yourself.

http://DNA.imagini.net/friends/

You need not join the site..

My results:

visual_dna.jpg

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.

“I’m hungry.” = I’m hungry“I’m sleepy.” = I’m sleepy.

“I’m tired.” = I’m tired.

“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!

“You look tense, let me give you a massage.” = I want to fondle you.

“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

“I’m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?

“I love you.” = Let’s have sex now.

“I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = I liked it better before.

“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!

“Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.

“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

and FINALLY… (while shopping)

“I like that one better.” = Just pick ANY dress and let’s go home!

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, coochy cooh?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, lolly pop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses…”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, puppy face?”

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long, I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

“But my sweet honey… at the bar… you know… there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, cutie pie?… “LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKIN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?”.and, they lived happily ever after!

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 min.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual Harassment

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: What’s it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage

Q: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: Why are men like public toilets?
A: Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

Q: What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can’t stand criticism.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? A: The blonde, because she’s 18.

Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where the breasts went.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

1. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
2. I think, therefore I’m single.
3. If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it.
4. Something tells me that I shouldn’t date until the world makes sense again.
5. Divorce – from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
6. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
7. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
8. Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.
9. Misery doesn’t love company… Nowadays, it insists on it.
10. If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
11. Always remember: one good turn gets most of the blankets.
12. Everyone needs to be loved. Especially when they don’t deserve it.
13. I almost had a psychic girlfriend; but she left me before we met.
14. Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.
15. Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
16. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
17. A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
18. Love means telling you why you’re sorry.
19. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
20. Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
21. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
22. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
23. Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
24. Sex is like air. It isn’t important unless you’re not getting any.
25. Someone once told me that love makes the world go ’round. Well, I just had to laugh in their face because, c’mon, everyone knows that what makes the world go ’round is a mutant gerbil on a treadmill.
26. Marriage isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.
27. Marriage is a fine institution. but I don’t think I’m ready to be put in an institution yet.
28. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
29. I’m still single because my family-in-law cannot have children.
30. I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.
31. He broke my heart…so I broke his jaw.
32. Early to bed, early to rise, and your girlfriend goes out with other guys.
33. Love is a merry little elf who dances a jig, then turns on you with a machine gun.
34. Women are like hurricanes: when they come they’re wet and wild, and when they leave they take the house and the car.

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